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[evilgrows]

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UN: Mr. and Mrs. Gluskin

[killsyourdarlings]

Awaken, machine.

un: DoctorRobotnik

[evilgrows]

I'm up already, what do you want?

[killsyourdarlings]

Bring yourself to me. There's work to do.

[evilgrows]

Of course there's work to do, I'm doing it.

[Ugh. He's been making a small amount of headway on his firewall, but not enough to ignore orders.]

Where are you?

[killsyourdarlings]

I'm at the shop, naturally.

5341 2nd St.

Come alone.

[evilgrows]

Fine.

[He hates not bringing his drones along with him, but he does arrive at the shop without any backup, grumpily heading on in.]

So what do you want this time?

[killsyourdarlings]

Ah, my machine.

( he inhales deeply. )

I can tell you've been sullied by no other.

( he's gotten even more creepy, if that's possible. )

[evilgrows]

[Ugh. It's the kind of thing that might give a guy goosebumps, if he had skin. Fortunately it's not something he normally has to deal with.]

I have better things to do than get "sullied," [he says, of course including the air-quotes.] Don't tell me you dragged me over here just to check.

[killsyourdarlings]

( robotnik should be flattered eddie considered him worthy of his scent at all!!! )

No, but it's a good reassurance of what's to come. Sit, machine. I'd offer you tea, but you've forgone your ability to drink and eat as man would. ( so eddie will just have tea for himself as he sits in an adjacent vintage, cushy chair. )

No doubt you've seen the campaign posters calling for the re-election of Mayor Karst.

[evilgrows]

I've always been a coffee guy anyway, [he says as he sits down, crossing his arms as he does. Frankly, it's better he doesn't eat or drink anything, because nobody here can make the damn coffee right anyway.

He leans back, shrugging a shoulder.]

Eh, I haven't really been paying attention to local politics. Why waste time on the stupid circus when there's work to do?

[killsyourdarlings]

That's just it, my macabre mechanical companion. Your work revolves getting me and Sionis that seat. You'll be brought on as our campaign manager. Since you don't require sleep, entertainment, or food, there's nothing that would stop you from working on the campaign 24/7.

( he sips his tea, one long leg casually crossed over the other. )

Generate three acceptable slogans. Begin.

[evilgrows]

I despise you, you know that?

[If anyone should be running anything anywhere, it should be Robotnik, dammit. Now if he's being conscripted to work on some asshole's political campaign... well, elections take some time, maybe he can get his firewall together in time to sabotage the guy's advertising or something. That's always a possibility.

With a nigh-unnoticeable roll of his "eye," he rattles off a three-pack of stupid, cutesy campaign slogans.]

You're going to be real surprised when you find out I have a sleep mode when I'm charging.

[killsyourdarlings]

( he chuckles. )

Oh, the jokes we tell. But you shouldn't keep a nasty word like 'despise' in your vocabulary, now, should you, dear? Remove it at once.

( the slogans make him smile, just the right amount of family charm. oh, how robotnik knows him. )

Why not work as you charge, like a cellular device?

[evilgrows]

Error: Vocabulary deletion unavailable.

[Oh, thank fuck. That at least lets him relax a little. For now. The last he needs is to get forced into talking like a cutesy advertisement or something. Sure, he keeps backups, but he hasn't needed to use one yet.

He'd let out a breath if he had one, but since he doesn't, he simply tilts his head slightly.]

I'm a more complicated piece of equipment than a cellular device.

[killsyourdarlings]

Is that right?

( he says it in a way that assumes that it is not right. )

Regardless, you'll report to none other than Roman Sionis and myself. You'll also be expected to take care of the duties here at the shop. Greet customers, answer phone calls, in addition to your work on our campaign. I want Gluskin / Sionis signs on every street corner by morning.

Are we clear?

[evilgrows]

What!???

[He yells so loud that there's static in the audio. The order's in his queue as usual, but the modifications he's been working on at least give him a moment of hesitation when it's something he really, really objects to.

He wonders if he might be able to cause some kind of disaster in this stupid little establishment.]

I'm not a retail worker! I have five PhDs! I can't uproot my entire existence so you can play politics!

[killsyourdarlings]

( ever trained in dealing with the violent temperament of women, eddie only levels robotnik with a patient, disappointed look. )

Are you quite finished with this tantrum of yours?

[evilgrows]

Absolutely not!

[He's still yelling, for sure.]

Just know, if you keep this up, you'll regret this. Whenever you least expect it...

[killsyourdarlings]

Have we come so far as to resort to heinous threats?

( eddie wrinkles his nose but appears otherwise unaffected. )

Lower your decibels by, say... 60%? Is that time of the month, dear? Is that why you're so out of sorts?

[evilgrows]

Heinous threats are just the tip of what you deserve, you moron, you absolute ignoramus, you...

[As he rants, he lowers the volume on his voice, which frustratingly makes it less effective.]

There is no "time of the month!" How stupid are you?

[killsyourdarlings]

( he says there's no time of the month, but he's as fussy as a woman on the rag. curious, that. )

We'll have none of that.

Apologize.

[evilgrows]

I will not--

[He stops short. Ugh he has so much left to work on to excise this horrible little feature from his systems.]

...I'm sorry.

[killsyourdarlings]

( yes, much work to do with this one indeed. though, for his cooperation, eddie is glad to stroke a hand over robotnik's head — the way one would when soothing a frightened deer — and smooth his thumbs over the side of his faceplate where his cheeks should be. where they would be, if he weren't a filthy traitor who sold of his humanity for a can of motor oil and a handful of lasers.

eddie tries not to wither at the thought. )

See? You can be a good girl. That was very good of you. Can you do it again?

[evilgrows]

[Robotnik doesn't completely hate this. Why doesn't he completely hate this?

He can unpack that later, or maybe never.]

I'm sorry.

[He doesn't look sorry, but this is a point where being incapable of facial expressions really work for him, because otherwise he'd really be glaring up a storm.]

[killsyourdarlings]

Good. Good! Well, then. Off to work with you.

( he gives his robotic companion a final, dainty little pat before rising to his feet. )

Signage, buttons, stamps for the children. You've a lot to do, don't you?